Remember to stay Warm Safely this Winter!

12/7/2021 (Permalink)

Agh, glass covering! That's a good idea. I should've thought about that! But 5 tips is a nice, even number.

Brrrrr! It’s getting a bit chilly outside lately! It might be about time to take advantage of our Homo Erectus ancestors’ greatest invention: Fire.

But not so fast!! Did you know that fire is dangerous? You might not have known, but it is unfortunately so true: fire can be dangerous. So what’s a guy or gal to do? Just freeze?

Not so fast! Let’s get some sparks on those logs, but let’s do it safely.

So what can you do to practice fire safety?

1. Know where all the fire extinguishers are in the house. This one is pretty self-explanatory. (1a. Get a fire extinguisher if you don’t own one!)
2. Don’t let children near open flames. They’re mischievous little buggers, and they love touching things they shouldn’t. (Source: Me, 20 years ago.)
3. Keep flammable liquids away from fire. I know it’s great for the feng-shui to keep that artisanal gas can and the fair trade 190 proof grain alcohol right next to the fireplace, but it’s probably also not a good idea. The compliments you will receive as a decorator will not be worth the risk. Also, keep your wholesale 40lb bag of gunpowder in another room. (They’re selling everything in bulk these days!)
4. Don’t leave a fire unattended. If adult eyes are always on the flame, you’ll be able to strangle any conflagrations in the cradle. When I say adult, I mean human adult. Your dog is not a responsible party, unless he’s Air Bud, and Air Bud is busy making a curling-themed addition to the Air Bud Cinematic Universe called Air Bud 7: Give it a Curl, so your dog isn’t Air Bud.
5. Don’t put flames near upholstery, curtains, or your Christmas tree. Whether it’s a candle, a fireplace, or a blowtorch, putting it next to something that’s known to either billow in the wind or drop flammable needles constantly is not a good move. That is unless you’re using a fake tree and/or fake electric candles, in which case anything goes. The future is now!

If you follow these five easy steps, you won’t have to worry about your source of warmth being a source of your fiery demise. Have a good Christmas, and stay cozy!